Three Daves
by kitchFit
Summary: Some events that happen to different variations of Dave during his time on the three year journey. More to come, but no definite schedule. Rated T only for language.
1. Pre-Retcon Dave

Over the past year or so, I've learned that living on a big-ass meteor can get _really fucking boring._ I've tried to entertain myself but drawing shitty comics and role-playing detectives with alien chicks can only get you so far. As it turned out, wandering around the hurdling paradox-space rock looking for something to do ended up being my primary form of recreation. Going through portals, running down corridors, looking through the trolls' stupid-ass chests finding a bunch of sweet stolen loot. Straight excavating that shit like I'm Wind-bag Jones himself, here to bring extra-terrestrial artifacts back to big-bellied pompous billionaire assholes giving me tons of cash for this fuckin', gross, crab-claw sickle thing…

What the fuck is this? Is this one of the "ultimate weapons" from the trolls' session Karkat won't shut up about? Talk about a wind-bag. It looks like someone cut off one of his monster-dad's arms and ran it through a deep-fryer at a KFC. I tuck it away in my sylladex anyways in case I wanted to make something actually cool with it.

That's another way I've been fighting away boredom in this void-lab. Out of all the crap Sburb has put me and friends through, the Alchemiter has definitely been a mechanic designed to make me forgive the game for killing me like, three fucking times. I've made so much awesome shit it would make Egbert piss his pants if he wasn't stuck in like, some unfathomable boat dimension with Jade and Davesprite and a bunch of annoying lizards or whatever.

Shit, I'm sure they'd also be down with wetting their trousers if they saw my cool duds: The Dragon Out of Time shirt me and Terezi made with her lizard plush and my broken record shirt (not better than my Knight robe, though), or Rocketfwlch, the sweet-ass flaming piece of shit we got from my broken legendary quest sword. Actually, I should find her and combine this crabdad-sickle with her dragon puppet to make some pokey deep-fried crab plush and give it to Karkat as a symbol of his weird-ass hate-crush on Terezi. That would send him fuck-ways into screaming piss-douche alley.

On second thought, never mind, that would just make everyone uncomfortable. I take out the KFC Communism Sword Thing and chuck it off the closest ledge I can find. Okay, disgustingly, all these thoughts of pee have connected memories to memories and now I'm really craving some apple juice. I have not had any AJ since I entered the game like a million years ago. Wandering around the meteor some more I come across a small room with a table and a fridge. I rush over like a baby finding a bottle of non-infant-proofed pills on the floor, and excitedly open the door and-

 _Oh shit, swords!_

I think my youth-rolls are a little out of practice. Expecting a flurry of sharp objects to come raining down on me, I try to flash-step out of the way and trip right over my stupid fucking cape. I did about three or four twirling flips in the air before landing squarely on my back, almost knocking the air out of me. Thankfully, my shades remain on my face and undamaged. There is, of course, nothing but gross troll food and something resembling milk in the fridge.

Suddenly, I hear a sarcastic gasp followed by a hearty clapping, "D4V3! TH4T W4S SO GR4C3FUL! C4N YOU T34CH M3 HOW TO B3 SUCH A S1LLY DOOFUS 4LL TH3 T1M3, TOO?"

Great, this is so embarrassing. How do you explain to an extra-terrestrial goblin that you're trained to believe that what should hold food and drinks are actually all filled with dangerous weapons? I decide not to, "oh, this isn't me being a fucking idiot as it might seem, Terezi, I was performing a ritual."

"G4SP! 4 HUM4N R1TU4L?"

"yes, to honor the human gods of trick flips and righteousness it's customary to flip the fuck out and shatter your spine before preparing a meal."

"R34LLY? BUT D4V3, 1 N3V3R SAW YOU P3RFORMING TH1S R1TU4L WH3N W3 OBS3RV3D YOU B4CK ON 34RTH. 4R3 YOU SUR3 YOU'R3 NOT JUST PULL1NG MY HORNS, D4V3? : ["

"that is slander in the highest degree. you don't just go around accusing your fellow man of not honoring the gods of righteousness. that can get someone killed. jegus, terezi, have some tact."

"D4V3, YOU H4V3 NO FUCK1NG CLU3 HOW SORRY I 4M."

"it's cool."

"D4V3?"

"yeah?"

"C4N 1 P4RT1C1P4T3 1N YOUR GODS OF FL1P R1TU4L?"

"fuck yeah knock yourself out." She didn't hesitate before copying my actions almost perfectly, pretending to open the fridge door and then flying off the ground like an Olympian going for gold. She did three perfect flips before landing right next to me cackling her face off. For a blind girl, she's very aware of every way I embarrassed myself just now.

We laid there for a while as Terezi giggled until she was interrupted by a new pair of giggling voices. Rose walked in hanging on Kanaya's arm and saw us lying on the ground like a couple of rumpus assholes.

"My oh my, what do we have here?" Rose queried, "queried" being the tone of voice pretentious, flighty broads use when asking questions.

"I Believe These Are Our Compatriots Sprawling Out On The Floor Like A Couple Of 'Rumpus Assholes' As Karkat Would Say" Kanaya answered, fucking nailing it.

"1T'S D4V3'S HUM4N R1TU4L, W3 N33D TO FL1P TH3 FUCK OUT 1N ORD3R TO PL34S3 TH3 HUM4N 3LD3R GODS OF S1LLYN3SS OR SOM3TH1NG."

"Is This True Rose? I Do Not Remember You Participating In Any Flipping Ritual When We Observed You Before"

Rose apparently wanted to play along, "Ah, yes, I remember many a day when I would honor Coolacles Douchington, Greek god of being totally sick. We would gather the neighbors into our home and all pirouette into the ground and feel his righteous power pour into our veins."

"Would It Be Culturally Insensitive Of Me Not To Join In On The Event?"

"As representative of all humans ever to exist anywhere, I would consider it a most grave offense and would certainly never talk to you again." Rose replied with a heavy look in her eye before launching herself backwards across the room and landing across from me elegantly as if she were flying. Shit, we can fly can't we. Why the fuck didn't I fly?

"Oh I Certainly Would Not Want That," Kanaya said as she laid down next to her without a parade of theatrics. "How Long Does This Human Ritual Take To Perform?"

"WHY K4N4Y4? H4V3 SOM3WH3R3 TO B3?"

"I Suppose Not" We lay there quietly again for a while and I'm beginning to wonder the exact same thing Kanaya was asking. Is this bit gonna go on the rest of whatever we're considering "the day" to mean? Just because I had some weird freak-out reaction at opening a fridge? My thoughts get interrupted by some distant shouting.

"NOW JUST WHERE THE FUCK DID EVERYONE GET OFF TO? AM I GOING TO HAVE TO RAISE MY ALREADY INCREDIBLY TIRED VOICE TO A VOLUME ONLY THE MOST UNTAMED AND RABIES-INFESTED CANINES COULD HEAR JUST TO REPRIMAND YOU MISERABLE LOW-LIFES?"

"holy hell shut the fuck up" I said as the shouting got louder and louder until Karkat was standing at the entryway, hardly registering our positions as he went into another rant.

"OH, THERE YOU ARE. AS WHATEVER THE TERM MEANS ANYMORE AND IF IT EVER MEANT ANYTHING IN THE FIRST GODDAMN PLACE, YOUR LEADER IS HEREBY BANNING TOSSING DANGEROUS WEAPONS INTO WHO-THE-FUCK-KNOWS-WHERE FOR ANY CONCEIVABLE IDIOTIC REASON SOMEONE WOULD DO THAT. FOR THE SAFETY OF EVERYONE ON HERE AS WELL AS MUCH MORE IMPORTANT SAFETY OF MY FIRMLY DRUBBED THINK-PAN. WHOEVER BELIEVED THAT TO BE A GOOD IDEA, I WANT THEM TO KNOW I AM NOT MAD, BUT _INFURIATED_ AT THEIR VAST INCOMPETENCE. I WANT THEM TO KNOW—WAIT WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?"

Looking at him now I realize he's holding the KFC sickle and rubbing the back of his head. Apparently, Coolacles Douchington found favor in my throw earlier tonight. "W3'R3 HONOR1NG HUM4N GODS, K4RK4T, L4Y DOWN 4ND JO1N US!" : ]

"I WOULD RATHER BE FORCE-FED THE SCREAMS OF EVERYONE WHOEVER FELT HORROR BY FEFERI'S DEAD LUSUS."

"COM3 ON 1T'S FUN."

"WHY WOULD I WANT TO? I ASK YOU, AS SOMEONE WHO IS ALREADY PUTTING UP WITH THE CONSTANT RELIGIOUS RAMBLINGS OF A ONCE-MURDEROUS CLOWN MOIRAIL, WHY WOULD I WANT TO ADD THE WORSHIP OF THE HUMAN DEITY OF LYING ON THE DIRTY FLOOR TO MY BUSY SCHEDULE?"

"Karkat Sit Down. We Are All Honoring Human Culture And So Will You" Kanaya said in a surprisingly firm voice. Even more surprisingly, Karkat complied, mumbling angrily to himself as he joined all four of us on the ground. Together we lay there, on the ground, in a circle, the pentagram of stupidity completed. One after the other, we began to fall asleep, Rose first, then Terezi, Kanaya, and finally Karkat, still murmuring something unintelligible. I was the only one still awake, listening to all them breathe and snore loudly. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a pair of white eyes surveying us all. Another visitor to hop in the idiot pile?

It was the Mayor. I love this little guy. He walked in on his tip toes, stumbling around the bodies of incapacitated teenagers to the fridge, before picking up what I thought was milk and downing it all in one gulp. It had a clunkier sound than milk as it went down. Whatever it was I'm glad he took it out of our lives forever, hopefully. He left the room and returned moments later with a large blanket. I have no idea he might've gotten it, but he gently threw it over us in one thoughtful swoop before going around and bringing it up to our shoulders, then snuggling in right beside me.

An odd feeling stirred inside me, not of boredom, but something I couldn't identify. Before falling asleep, a single thought rang through my head:

 _Is anyone going to close the fucking fridge?_


	2. Davesprite

When was first told about the Dreambubbles, I thought they would be cool. Initially, I thought we were all disconnected from the other part of the group for the next three years, but the idea that we would all be able to see each other in our dreams gave me some hope; maybe I'll get to visit Rose and other Dave, maybe even meet some of those leetspeaking and blabbering assholes to offer myself a laugh and a headache, on the house. But all the Dreambubbles ended up offering me was an unending existential fucking nightmare.

Each time I went to sleep, I would find myself in the dream that continually plagued my childhood. I would see myself wandering in the dark, somewhere with metal floors and something resembling power lines stretching itself overhead, where I would perch. See, in my dreams, I would never see it from my perspective, but from a crow, watching from above, gazing down at the idiot teenager looking for something in the dark, not helping like the feathery asshole I am.

I never know what I'm looking for in the dream. Maybe I'm not looking for anything other than a way out of this hellhole, but Skaia be damned if I'll ever achieve that. Walking around in the dark, I always end up running into a trap, or some enemies, and I end up dying. After I die, the dream starts again and I'm a different crow, watching a different Dave pick his way through darkness, only to follow in the steps of his predecessors and add to the pile of ever-increasing dead Daves. And the bubbles only allowed me to more aware of everything around me, like I was actually there.

You might think reliving this dream over and over again since you turned twelve might be traumatising to a young delicate Child like myself, and you're probably right, but I have talked to a certified amateur psychology genius about this very topic and she has all but assured me that all the crows represent penises and darkness represents homosexualty, so what I'm looking for is actually a way to escape my unending gayness and I keep dying because my lust for dudes is Just That Strong, so I wouldn't worry too much.

And anyway, when you have the same dream every night for nearly two years, you start to become jaded to seeing your corpse fall to the ground for the 700th time in a row. It's become more of a challenge to see how long I can wait out my psyche's increasingly creative murders.

Tonight hasn't been any different. Sometimes I count the amount of times I die before the Break happens. 37...38… Boom. Here it comes, a deafening clang of the gong hailing what is undoubtedly the worst part of going to sleep. The sky breaks open, and this luminescent purple glow appears through the rift it creates and begins to sing. It's just, the most awful sound ever, like imagine if you were forced in the front row of a Taylor Swift concert positioned right next to the speaker while an obnoxious fan with a speech impediment whoops in your ear incessantly. It's usually enough to wake me up right then and there.

At least, that's usually what happens. This time seemed to be different. The gongs just kept going, kept getting louder until the ongoing bass line was deafening to my sensitive crow ear holes. Only I wasn't a crow anymore, for the first time since these god-awful dreams started happening, I was in the perspective of my own body, which ended up not being much of an upgrade, since I couldn't move my feet. I just stood there, gazing into the darkness as the clang of the gong beared down on me.

Suddenly, in the distant darkness I saw the faint shape of Rose, who became brighter and brighter the more I looked at her, until it was almost like she was standing right in front of me, but I couldn't reach her. She called out to me.

"Dave. I'm scared. I said I was going to be fine but I'm not. I don't want to stop existing. Please come back. Dave, I'm scared."

She started flickering, like a faulty street lamp, repeating that phrase. I tried my hardest to reach her but wouldn't budge. A new voice called distantly behind me. It was John's.

"I'm so sorry, Dave, I should have listened to you. I messed up. Please help me, this hurts so much Dave. I don't want to die. Please help me."

I then noticed all around him a thick tar was building up all around his skin, a thin steam coming off of him. The pained look on his face was almost too much too bear as he was being swallowed up by the tar. Then I heard crying. A little girl's voice weeping as loud as she could. It was Jade, farther away than either of my other two friends. A computer lay beside her, and I heard my own voice pour out of it.

"jade! i know losing john was hard but we got to get over it, get you into the game. come on jade well have time to grieve later. please jade we cant lose you too, come on. we cant do this without you please jade!"

They all kept repeating their these phrases, getting louder and louder until I realized the clanging of the gong had stopped, had been replaced with the cries of my departed friends. I felt the sting of tears touch my face. _calm down, its just a dream, none of this is real. dont cry like a little bitch just wake up!_

While I was thinking this, my Bro appeared, looming over in front of me. I could feel a sense of urgency behind his anime shades as he yelled at me.

"What are you still doing here! Get out of here! Fly away you stupid little bird bitch punk ass-"

His line of insults were cut short by the thrust of his own sword straight through his abdomen, going limp before morphing into a whole murder of crows. In fact, all of my friends turned into crows, immediately flying over to me and pecking at me and tearing off bits of my skin. From the purple glow above the singing finally started, but the lyrics were just angry commands.

"You Do Not Belong Here. Join Your Friends. Join Your Father. You Are Not Meant To Exist And Neither Were They. Join Them. Stop Being. Join Them. Stop Being. You Do Not Belong Here."

It just kept repeating, the crows kept tearing at me, I couldn't wake up. When the crows squawked they sounded like my friends. And when I opened my mouth the only sound that came out was a cry of pain. I was ready to accept it. Accept my fate and be torn apart my crows. Obey the voice from the sky and let my life end here and now.

But then a bark cut through the noise. A bark that sounded as if a bass-boosted speaker had been turned all the way up. It's caller a great white wolf with a green aura that broke through the darkness so that all you could focus on was the animal. It barked a second time and crows were thrown off of me, stopping the pain. The voice from the sky stopped. The wolf leaped forward and began to eat the crows, one by one. The green light expanded so I could see the world around me. I was on my planet, the Land of Heat and Clockwork, but as the wolf did its work the metal flooring morphed into a sheet of grass, and trees sprung up around me.

When the white wolf was finished, it turned towards me. I could feel its power as it stared into my eyes. Slowly, it strode towards me and put its head on my shoulder. I felt my knees wobble and I fell to the ground. The wolf cuddled around me. I couldn't help it, I started to cry. Burst of tears flowing out of my eyes until I closed them, and finally woke up.

I was inside the battleship, the lights turned down, and in my regular body. My wisp of a tail ending in a point, and my wings wrapped around something with black hair and white, fluffy dog ears. It was Jade, her arms wrapped around me. She looked up and smiled.

"You were turning in your sleep, so I rested with you. I saw you in the dreambubbles being attacked by nasty little crows, so I protected you!"

I reached up and touched my face, it was wet and tear-stained, "i-im sorry you had to see me like that."

"Davesprite, it's okay for cool kids to cry. But don't worry, I won't tell anyone." We lay there for a long moment, Jade's face nuzzled in my shoulder. There was something nagging on my mind. Something I've been ignoring, but the dream forced into view. I had to tell her.

"jade?"

"Yeah, Davesprite?"

"I shouldn't be alive."

At that she sat up, frowning as her bright green eyes stared into mine with worry, "What are you talking about?"

"jade, im from a doomed timeline. im doomed. i dont know why ive made it this far but i should have died on on the battlefield," I said, my words stumbling, "i-i shouldnt be here, theres already a dave in this timeline, if i havent died yet, i will soon. skaia wont let me survive much longer."

The tenseness in Jade's shoulders went slack, and the worry in her eyes turned to pity, she smiled. "Davesprite, the reason you aren't dead is because I saved you. On the battlefield we both almost died, but I godtiered and saved both of us. You aren't doomed, you just had a nightmare."

"but-"

"No buts, you aren't doomed and you're not gonna die, because I saved you, I prevented it. The other Dave just means more the merrier. And if Skaia has a problem with that she'll just have to take it up with me."

I chuckled, "so skaia is a girl, then?"

"Yeah, of course! Now go back to sleep. You won't have anymore bad dreams, I'll make sure of it!"

"how are you so sure?"

"Because, silly, remember the dreambubbles? I can be there with you!"

"really? every night?"

"Of course dummy," she wrapped her arms around me and nestled her head back into my shoulder, "Now go back to sleep, I'll protect you."


End file.
